Quicksand Reimagined
Preface#
Hello, my friends! It's that time of year again for reflections. I wonder how everyone has been this year, what experiences you've had, and what you've gained.
From the data around me, this year some people have been promoted and received pay raises, reaching the peak of their lives, while others unexpectedly faced layoffs and are seeking new opportunities; some have found love, while others have separated; some have had children, and some have passed away. It suddenly feels like every year is a slice of time where the wheel of time meets the current plane, and depending on where you are on the wheel, some rise, some fall, some reach the top, and some start from zero. Everyone is on their own track, quietly waiting for their own arrangements 🤔 (I looked it up, and this seems to be called a cycloid, which has some mysteries in it).
This year has felt quite good to me. If I were to rate last year an 85, this year might even score a 90. I've gained insights, awareness, growth, and achievements in many areas, exceeding my expectations!
This is also my fifth year writing year-end summaries. Looking back at previous years' summaries, I feel a lot of emotions. I'm grateful to that version of myself who was willing to write something, giving my future self a coordinate to review the past, a chance to converse with the past. It's really nice (though seeing the old jokes I wrote feels like I've dug out a three-bedroom apartment; maybe that's the sense of nostalgia that comes with old jokes, haha).
This year is also the first year after the pandemic ended. Unsurprisingly, I've had two close encounters with COVID-19. I must say, this virus is indeed powerful, but fortunately, its virulence has clearly diminished. I guess this time humanity has won 🤔. Still, I need to take good care of myself; it's like a universal vaccine for humanity, reminding everyone that although survival is tough, don't forget that the ticket to entry is still good health.
This year marks the fifth year since graduation. Before graduating, I thought that after working for two years, I would be advanced, and after five years, I would be experienced. I imagined that after five years, I would have become quite a big shot, haha. It's hard to imagine how strong I would be five years later... But looking back now, how has it already been five years? Why do I still know nothing? Why am I still such a newbie? (Maybe this is what they mean by plans not keeping up with changes, haha).
This year I also turned 26. I feel like my mind is still growing. I successfully broke the 25-year-old curse I speculated about last year, haha. After reading last year's summary, I can still see my immaturity back then. If that's the case, then it's right and good 👍.
Overview#
Book and Media Recommendations#
For the full version, see my Blog.
- Book of the Year: "The Seventh Day." Among all of Yu Hua's works, I give this book the highest score. The connection comes from a passage I stumbled upon in the text; it was beautifully written!
- Excerpt from the text: "My emotional dullness is like a room with tightly closed doors and windows. Although I hear the footsteps of love passing by in front of the house, I feel that they are just passing footsteps, heading towards someone else. Until one day, these footsteps stop here, and then the doorbell rings."
- Recommendation Reason: "What can a person heading to the funeral home, who will be cremated, leave for the readers after death? This time, Yu Hua tells a story more desperate than 'To Live' and more absurd than 'Brothers' with absurd brushstrokes and imagery, allowing readers to experience a coldness imprisoned in the glaciers of winter, a severe, skin-deep pain and heart-wrenching agony, and a despair of being exhausted in the vast wilderness with nowhere to go."
- Movie of the Year: The Wandering Earth 2
- It's so powerful that I won't explain it. You can see my movie review.
- Music of the Year: Quicksand Reimagined
- The abstract master David's big hit this year was something I never expected. The brilliant arrangement of the song and the lyrics made it irresistible to all pop music lovers.
- Love seems like quicksand, the longing in my heart, unwilling to let go...
- Photography of the Year: The chimney I've been watching for over two years at my doorstep, captured on its best day.
Achievements#
- Removed all three wisdom teeth. It took two years to make the decision to do something important but not urgent; it really wasn't easy, haha.
- Started cooking for myself. Growing up, the environment didn't change me, the pandemic didn't change me; instead, I started cooking, which is hilarious. Anything I casually make is better than many takeouts in Beijing; I love to speak the truth.
- Achieved two years of working at one company! Thanks to the country, the company, and my boss!
- Completed a trial run of the TOEFL exam. Achieved an average score, haha.
- Expanded the Earth map. Tianjin, Sanya, Xi'an have been added to the list 👀.
"Tianjin - Jay Chou Carnival Concert"
"Sanya"
"Xi'an - Bell Tower"
- New instrument learned: drums. Currently my favorite instrument; it's so relieving. Playing for an hour feels like nothing, and it's very easy to pick up. Friends who are sensitive to rhythm or like to shake their legs can give it a try, haha.
Records#
- Blog updated articles: 9
- English
- Vocabulary learning duration: 7652 mins
- Vocabulary record
- Exercise:
Main Text#
After organizing this year's records and putting them into Obsidian Canvas, I did a simple clustering in my mind and found that three major modules of body, mind, and spirit subtly emerged. In previous years, I summarized the year's gains through external matters, from the outside in. This year, I tried to think from the inside out, to gain a different perspective.
Body#
Healthy people have many misunderstandings about life — The Philosophy of Restlessness
As someone who has always been in the bottom 30% of health, my understanding of the body is definitely ahead of the curve. Experiencing the decline of bodily functions early on, while various ailments are certainly not a good thing, but looking at it from another angle, this might give you a chance to feel the future sensations of aging, the thoughts and experiences that normal people cannot experience.
Symptoms#
As a long-time patient of gastrointestinal diseases, tests show no major issues, yet I have been in a sub-healthy state. I haven't drunk room temperature water or beverages for many years, let alone cold and spicy foods. Once I break the rules, abdominal pain, diarrhea, and indigestion hit hard.
For the past three years, my gastrointestinal system has been in poor working condition, and this year it even reached a state of paralysis where I couldn't digest anything I ate. Even drinking water required careful consideration of how much I could drink. This year, I seemed to have seen in "The Flowers Bloom in Order" that each level of hell has its own punishment, and I remember one of them is hunger and thirst but unable to eat or drink. I can't say it's similar, but I can only say it's exactly the same, 233.
After graduation, I've been searching for the causes of my ailments and recovery plans, and I've slowly discovered and summarized the patterns leading to gastrointestinal issues. Finally, this year, after reading a lot of books on this topic, I found the cause and solution. So this year's reading on WeChat Books has been focused on medical health; I can only say it was unexpected yet reasonable, 2333.
Causes and Solutions#
In recent years, my research and practice in medicine have led me to discover that many issues follow the most basic and simple principles: complexity leads to simplicity.
The main cause should be quite simple: leaky gut syndrome. This is a condition that most doctors in China are unaware of, but there are many analyses and recovery cases in the West. I had heard of leaky gut before, but I thought it was a disease caused by severe external wounds. In reality, it's a microscopic leak, referring to the thinning of the intestinal mucosa, where many large molecules from food pass through the intestinal wall into the bloodstream.
The human body is a very intelligent and mature system. Once something that shouldn't enter the bloodstream does, the immune system will attack these abnormal substances, leading to inflammation throughout the body. In my case, it's quite obvious: conjunctivitis, shoulder and neck inflammation, hot flashes, and brain fog. Meanwhile, the gastrointestinal system fears that these foods that trigger immune responses are harmful to the body and will urgently deal with them through diarrhea and other methods.
This is a perfect temporary solution, but the problem is that it doesn't address the root issue, which is the leaky gut itself. Once this temporary solution becomes normalized, it can have a huge impact on health. There are many causes of leaky gut, and any gastrointestinal issues you can think of could lead to this problem, such as genetics, stress, diet, sleep, and environmental factors. First, diarrhea reduces the body's nutrient absorption efficiency, leading to malnutrition, which in turn prevents the body's recovery efficiency from exceeding the damage rate. Long-term immune responses then worsen the problem, increasing nutritional demands and exacerbating malnutrition. This is a very difficult negative cycle to manage.
The key issue is how to restore the function of the intestinal mucosa to avoid triggering the immune system's response and solve the malnutrition problem. The answer in the book is a gluten-free diet + avoiding sensitive food sources (but basically saying goodbye to eating out...). Sure enough, after identifying the root issue and starting to supplement relevant nutrients and adjust my diet, most of the symptoms have eased. After a month of dietary adjustments, I have significantly completed the recovery process from a health score of 40 to 60. This feeling of getting younger every day is truly tear-jerking.
Insights#
This condition isn't rare; about 2 or 3 out of every thousand people have this issue. Most people may not be severely affected and might recover on their own. In contrast, many types of ailments do not have the chance to heal on their own and may not be related to effort. This is also why I can deeply empathize with the sense of helplessness when reading books by Cai Lei and Tie Sheng.
When I saw this sentence, I really wanted to say that Tie Sheng understands me. Although the process of identifying the problem took too long, I'm glad it yielded results.
There's a saying that when we are born, we see various scripts of our lives and ultimately choose the best one. This can often provide spiritual comfort.
Cherishing and being grateful for this regained health may leave a deep impression. Even in difficult situations, don't forget to keep striving and never fall into learned helplessness. Perhaps this is a kind of tempering, and only after that do we realize that health is precious, and life is short.
Therefore, when heaven is about to confer a great responsibility on a person, it must first temper their mind and will, labor their muscles and bones, starve their body, and expose them to poverty. It must disrupt their actions, so as to stimulate their heart and endurance, and increase their capabilities.
This quote from Mencius has inspired me through many unbearable moments of pain, so when I saw this phrase in the Xi'an Beilin, I immediately noted it down to share with myself and all my friends: so as to stimulate their heart and endurance, and increase their capabilities.
Mind#
The struggles of the flesh do not hinder my spiritual growth; this year's spiritual gains surpass those of previous years 👀.
Love Well#
This year I met a girl I've been waiting for many years.
In intimate relationships, compared to familial and friendly bonds, love is often the only intimate relationship we can actively choose and that lasts the longest once we have subjective agency. However, love is also often the most difficult intimate relationship to obtain. Author Marshall analyzed why the average age of first marriage among contemporary young people is getting later, and the main reason is: more choices.
They recruited a group of college students under the guise of market research, inviting them to taste and evaluate several high-end chocolates. These students were divided into two groups: one group only needed to evaluate 6 types of chocolate, while the other group had to evaluate 30 types. The experiment showed that the first group of students gave higher ratings, and the number of students among them who gave up cash rewards to take chocolate as compensation was four times that of the second group. Why did the first group find it easier to give high scores? Professor Barry Schwartz believes that more choices actually reduce our pleasure because we worry that among the options we eliminate and give up, there might be something we prefer more.
However, I agree that this may be a major reason but not the fundamental one. Teacher Luo Xiang said: Love is not only about choice but also has a fateful component. I truly believe this; when you meet that person who attracts you on a genetic level, you'll find that it's real.
My family and friends around me are also quite curious: why can't you find a partner, what are you waiting for? Right, what am I waiting for? 🤔 Maybe I'm waiting for the right person? This year I found someone, but not completely; however, I gained a lot.
Love really requires courage. Many times, the fact that two people can meet is truly an extraordinary event. There are so many coincidences and surprises; both people did things they normally wouldn't do, which might be fate. It's hard to imagine that I, someone who never initiates conversations, would ask someone out, haha. If you told me this last year, I definitely wouldn't have believed it.
This year, when discussing this topic with friends, I also realized that we may all need to have sufficient self-confidence and mental state in our self-awareness to dare to engage in and try such challenging relationships. I strongly agree with this. My understanding, perception, and exploration of myself over the past two years have led to today's actions. So it really does require courage, regardless of whether you're facing a six-eyed flying fish or not.
Mutual effort in solving problems. In the book "The Seven Stages of Happy Relationships," there's a sentence that I feel makes the book worth its weight in gold once you understand it:
In the process of getting along, this content provides a very good understanding and analytical thinking model for the essence of problems. In intimate relationships, as the relationship deepens, while bonds are formed, there will also be a deeper understanding of each other, which may lead to more disagreements and the discovery of many issues. However, as long as both parties share the same goals, communication will always resolve them.
This exercise in understanding oneself and others is applicable in many areas, and I share it with my friends.
You must love yourself to love others. In the development of a mutual relationship, it can be very easy to blur and lose the boundary of one's original self. As mentioned above, many times the problem itself does not lie in this 20% of the surface. If you overly emphasize your subjective agency, it may instead lead you into an erroneous problem-solving mode.
In a mutual relationship, I feel there is a model that can particularly aptly describe the relationship between both parties, which is the binary star system.
In a stable binary star system, each star's orbit operates in a specific pattern periodically, mutually attracting and maintaining each other. Once one star deviates from its orbit and gets too close to the other, due to the immense gravitational pull, their operational space will shrink until they collide.
Therefore, understanding oneself is key to understanding others. Maintaining the premise that both can operate on their original orbits requires taking care of oneself; this is the foundation of a healthy binary star system. If these two stars cannot form a stable binary star system, it simply means they are not compatible, unrelated to the characteristics of the stars themselves.
In the end, I seem to know what I am waiting for; waiting for others is also waiting for myself.
Feng Tang said: "To find someone to spend a lifetime with, two people must share similar interests and be able to understand each other. The probability of being able to chat about anything and enjoy it is extremely low, even I think it's non-existent." So, being clear-headed in this world, adjusting expectations, and following one's heart while both can live well, being themselves, is already perfect.
Overall, there are so many principles, but in the end, it all comes down to one phrase: love is blind. Life is an experience; being grateful for encounters and enjoying the process may be the most important thing.
What is Money#
This year, while reading an article on the concept of long-term investment, one point left a deep impression on me. The gist is about how to preserve the value of money; the author believes that money is actually a token of productivity. For example, in 2023, a programmer working for a day corresponds to a productivity value of 100 tokens. If they invest for 50 years, and by 2073, a programmer's productivity for a day corresponds to 200 tokens, then to achieve the goal of preserving value, your investment results must reach 200 tokens to not incur a loss.
Thinking about money from this perspective 💰 has indeed been quite enlightening. I used to think of money as the goal, detached from the operational rules of society, believing that continuously increasing numbers equated to good investments. However, in reality, money is merely a means of exchanging productivity; the goal is still productivity, not just numbers.
So, in the long run, a relatively excellent strategy is to exchange efficient productivity for more inefficient productivity, which can also be considered a form of investment strategy, haha.
Now, looking back at the current means of preserving value, this year also marks the second year of losses, with a total loss of 15% over two years. Given that 70% of my equity is involved, this drawdown is already quite good. However, I must admit that this year's decline has given me a new understanding of the investment market and environment.
Last year, I thought this was the maximum drawdown for asset allocation, and indeed, I was still young, haha. As a young person, I believed my risk tolerance was relatively high; a 30% drawdown should be easy to handle. However, when the market kept declining this year, I had to admit that even this 10% drop had already touched the edge of my psychological tolerance. Indeed, when you have a bull market, you still need to practice in real situations; it's easy to say, but extremely difficult to do.
The A-share investment market, due to the characteristics of its investor structure, follows a three years without opening, and when it opens, it eats for three years model. This situation has exacerbated the already challenging market conditions. Previously, during the good years of 2019 and 2020, it was all positive returns. Teacher Qi said that you need money that you won't use for 5-10 years to invest in equities. At that time, I thought this was overly conservative; since you can make money right away, why not invest directly? It wasn't until I experienced these three years of declines that I understood the meaning of this statement. Indeed, knowledge is in the textbooks; investing is a form of tacit knowledge that requires personal experience.
Regarding the investment environment, I used to say that when the market is rising, any news is good news, and when it’s falling, everything is bad news. This year, I truly experienced what it means to have ghost stories every day, with cyclical bottoms, deteriorating industry expectations, and various institutional issues... including myself, I had several moments of doubt, wondering if this time was really different. But upon reflection, these issues also existed during bull markets; it’s just that at that time, people were unwilling to listen, and no one was willing to spread the news. Now, as the market declines, more people begin to care about and pay attention to these issues, which is why they spread widely. This phenomenon of detaching from objective news and the ability to view objective facts is indeed a very important skill in life. 🤔
How to Work#
This year, I've also had some thoughts on how to do a good job.
First, find your ecological niche. This year, I believe I heard about the concept of ecological niche in Ning Xiangdong's management class.
Ecological niche is a basic concept in ecology, referring to the position a species occupies in its ecosystem, how it utilizes environmental resources, and how its activities impact the environment. The ecological niche describes a species' ecological role and its survival strategies in nature, including how it obtains food, interacts with other species, and adapts to environmental conditions.
How to find your ecological niche? Simply put, it's about finding the position in the ecosystem that suits you and where you should be. There's a saying that explains it well: Find something that you do happily and easily, but others find exhausting. Then find the place and people who buy into your ability and keep doing it. This is something that others may find it hard to help you discover; you need to think about it in conjunction with your own characteristics.
Second, learn, reflect, and share. In fact, very few people would say that learning is unimportant, but why learn is often hard to articulate. For technical developers, I've always had a vague illusion about providing solutions, feeling that there should be better solutions out there, but I just don't know. When I saw this sentence, I realized, yes, that's it.
If you design third-party authorization login without having read the OAuth2.0 RFC, you will ultimately have to reinvent a clumsy OAuth.
No one is omniscient and all-powerful; everyone has to design their own clumsy OAuth in their field. So how can we avoid this clumsiness? That's right, through learning, reflecting, and sharing. Learning opens our eyes, reflecting helps us think about the similarities and differences between our own thinking and that of others, and sharing structured content allows for discussion.
Third, combat the brain's instincts. In the work process, rationality often dominates, but sometimes the instinctual brain and emotional brain take over. At these times, it's crucial to be aware of this and force a switch in control; it's difficult but useful.
When reviewing code, the seniors often provide me with excellent review comments. In hindsight, they all seem very nice, but in the moment, it's hard to think in that way. Most of the time, I feel: How could my code have issues? It must be that everyone didn't understand. In this situation, the instinctual brain takes over, perceiving suggestions as attacks and preparing to retaliate. The corresponding reactions are fight or flight: either attacking the other or proving that I have no issues.
I have always considered myself a relatively rational person, so I was quite surprised when I discovered this phenomenon. This reaction even overpowers the control of the rational brain and recurs frequently. I didn't expect that being a modern human dominated by rationality would be quite difficult; I need to learn.
Influencing Others#
Actually, growing up, I have never had the ability or desire to influence others. This might be related to my upbringing; I always felt that just doing my own thing was enough. Others might not need me to influence them, and I might not have the ability to influence others.
I used to feel that those who influenced others were doing it for themselves. For example, the class monitor in elementary school sharing study experiences—oh, they must want to show off; or the physical education committee candidate in middle school, they must want to stand in the front row and look impressive. I thought this way about myself and assumed others would see me the same way.
I can still remember in my first year of high school, when we were moving things in class, I finished moving my stuff and just stood by watching everyone else. At that moment, a shorter classmate jokingly looked at me and said, "Hey, why are you just standing there? Help out!" It was at that moment that I vaguely felt, oh, it turns out I can actively help; maybe it's not just for myself, but also for others.
Since last year, through participating in hiking, sports, rest, and learning, I seem to have gradually discovered some of my characteristics; I actually enjoy influencing others. I've also slowly started to actively organize some activities and try to connect some friends; I've transformed from an introvert to an extrovert, haha. Starting from not having any expectations of influencing others isn't too difficult.
Last year's experience of organizing an online reading group is a very real reflection of this. I'm very grateful that friends in the group come and go, but there are still about forty friends, and there are basically new messages every day, haha.
Initially, I just wanted to share my reading gains, thinking that friends who might enjoy reading would need a place for mutual exchange. After operating for a while, I found that everyone had very different understandings of reading; their reading habits, stages, and types varied greatly. So this year, I thought about how to better help everyone understand and get to know each other, organizing three offline reading meetings. With no organizational experience, leading discussions focused on critical thinking was actually quite challenging. Fortunately, the group members are excellent and very supportive; all the events were successfully held, and everyone gained something and got to know each other better, not just online acquaintances.
This year also marked the first time after starting work that I invited friends to celebrate my birthday. After the offline reading meeting, I invited friends to have a meal together, and the film taken by Huihui has a great texture, winning the best photography award of the year!
After nearly two years of operating the reading group, I feel I've gained quite a lot. I now have a place to share my reading gains, and the number of books I read each year has remained stable. Some friends have said that in this environment, they have cultivated or rekindled their reading habits and gained insights through reading. (Here's another advertisement: friends who love reading are welcome to contact me to join the online reading group, haha.)
This year, after discovering that bringing positive influence to others is really quite joyful, I also organized my own gratitude ceremony, awarding friends who have greatly influenced me this year and presenting my heartfelt wishes, hoping to pass on the positive feedback I've received to everyone.
In the process of influencing others, I also deepen my understanding of myself, after all, a self-enclosed person finds it hard to influence others. I hope to explore what kind of person I want to be and continue to bring positive influence to my friends in the new year 💪.
Spirit#
As someone without religious beliefs, my understanding of spirit relies entirely on later insights. The spirit in body, mind, and spirit usually refers to an individual's recognition of inner peace, life purpose, and meaning.
I am someone who believes in determinism. I believe that many things are actually pre-arranged, and we spend our lives progressing along this path, whether quickly or slowly. Therefore, when reading sci-fi works like "The Prophecies of Haiohua" and "Conversations with God," I can deeply understand and empathize with many of the author's intended expressions.
Many friends say that acknowledging fate is somewhat too negative. If many things yield the same results whether you do them or not, is there still a need to act? Regarding this question, after reading a story in "The Four Teachings of Liao Fan" this year, I gained a rather interesting understanding.
The author once encountered an ethereal elder who, after being well treated, revealed his future fortune: which year he would achieve a ranking, which year he would become a scholar, which year he would become a tribute student, which year he would become a county magistrate, which year he would resign, and informed him that he would leave this world at fifty-three. As a result, all these events came to pass, and thereafter, he lived a mundane life without studying. One year, after he became a tribute student, he met a Zen master in a temple. The master, seeing his unusually calm demeanor, asked him about the reason. Upon hearing his explanation, the master laughed heartily: "I thought you were a wise man; turns out you are just an ordinary person." Everyone's fate is shaped by their own actions, and everyone's blessings are earned through their own efforts. The results previously calculated were due to his past karma. Our attitude towards fate should be to diligently cultivate ourselves while being able to wait peacefully. In other words, it is about letting go after doing our utmost. If one is fixated on fate, why not start changing from now? Indeed, after this, the person accumulated good deeds, and the subsequent resignation and departure from the world no longer matched the elder's predictions, and to this day, he is still alive at sixty-nine.
This story is quite simple; people might think, isn't this a story about anti-determinism, about human determination overcoming heaven? But if we think about it the other way around, what if this result is actually his original fate? What if this turning point is part of his growth journey? Isn't that interesting?
I've discussed this perspective with many friends around me, and quite a few friends agree with it. Regarding fate and free will, there may not be a true conclusion. Perhaps true fate lies in the contemplation, action, and results in the process of studying fate and free will; perhaps that is fate itself. So determinism does not mean giving up subjective will; rather, it is a way of thinking that fully accepts objective results while continuously exploring. I have realized this.
Summary#
So this year's summary comes to a close for now. I share the interesting thoughts and gains of this year with all my friends, and I am very grateful to everyone for reading this far.
This year has been a year full of vitality and hope, both for me and the broader environment. I am grateful for the support of friends around me and for that proactive, continuously learning version of myself.
On the side of the sunken boat, thousands of sails pass by; in front of the sick tree, ten thousand trees bloom in spring. In 2024, I hope to become a more self-consistent and composed person.
There's a saying: A person's greatest confidence comes from the calmness that allows everything to happen. This year, I have had a glimpse of this calmness, but fully embodying it is still a long road ahead. After all, only at seventy can one act according to their heart without overstepping the boundaries, haha. The future is promising!